Admittedly, my fiancé and I were one of those couples who set the date, booked the venue, then sat down with our wedding planner and said “now what?” We had a huge long list of all the things we planned to get done that month, finalize the guest list, start thinking about seating arrangement, order all our save the dates, book all our rentals and start on our wedding speeches.
Her calm smile and next words were powerful, “That’s wonderful, but let’s dream a little first!”
Both of us sat there like deer in headlights. We never slowed down to dream, let alone to catch our breath since booking our venue. Dream to your heart's content, dream dreams that you aren’t even sure can become a reality, because you would be surprised at all the things that fall together, even two weeks before the date. If that sounds anxiety inducing, it’s not. When you spend your time dreaming rather than caught up on meeting every mental deadline, you are far more relaxed.
After all, what did you hire a planner for!? If she’s relaxed, you can relax too. She’s the expert. Now that I’m on the other side working in the industry, it’s a lot easier for me to see why this is possible. Nearly everyone in the industry is super eager to make your dreams come true and because of this are always flexible to meet your schedule.
R E M I N D E R : Y O U ‘ R E P L A N N I N G A W E D D I N G T O G E T M A R R I E D !
It’s so easy in the jumble of opinions, social media, wedding fairs and your desire to please the people involved in your wedding, to forget that the day is about celebrating your marriage not just planning an event.
When you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, stop. Remind yourself the end goal and move forward. Put a sticky note on your fridge if you need to, but don’t let the details distract you.
Of course, it’s easy to remember on the day of your wedding that it’s a celebration of your love, but it is far more rewarding to be able to feel this all the way up to and after the wedding. Keeping your focus on each decision of your day being about you and your other half should give you a little more confidence to make the decisions that perhaps not everyone is going to like. Which leads us into the next section:
R E B E L ( I F T H A T ‘ S W H A T F E E L S R I G H T )
Tradition, Tradition, Tradition. Our planner always talked about how this word pops into her couple’s conversations so often. What do you traditionally do for this? What do you traditionally give your bridesmaids? Where do you traditionally seat family?
Nowadays, we have seen an amazing and empowering shift in the industry towards relinquishing tradition. Wedding planners simply don’t have an answer to those kinds of questions anymore because there really is no tradition. This is nonetheless a hard pill to swallow for parents, and grandparents. Sometimes it’s even difficult for your bridesmaids and groomsmen because preconceived notions of what ought to be done still exist.
My husband and I really struggled with this. We had to make a lot of difficult and non-traditional decisions in order to accomplish what we really wanted out of our wedding. At times we were completely shocked by the lack of understanding we faced, but were reminded time and time again that our wedding. Those who care will ultimately understand. Especially when they see how happy you are on your wedding day!
Don’t be afraid to openly share your dreams for your wedding with everyone, in all its non-traditional glory. It may just help adjust their expectations. We strive to be unique in our everyday lives, and yet when it comes to our wedding, we become people (family) pleasers. Ultimately, you do not have the power to make everyone happy, but you do have the power to make yourselves happy.
O K A Y , W E G O T M A R R I E D . . . W H Y D O I F E E L S O S A D ? !
This is so important. I don’t want to rain on your happy wedding planning parade, but I want to prepare you for the steps following your wedding to make it easier. You’ve just planned the biggest, most emotional event of you life to-date and then it’s over. Harsh, yes. But, oh-so-real.
Our wedding was the best day of our lives, and the honeymoon was the most fantastic vacation we ever had! Yet, when we came home we were both filled with sorrow that we couldn’t quite pinpoint.
I had spent a whole year with our planner counselling me through family politics, wedding party politics, meltdowns from the stress of meeting everyone’s needs, and celebrating like no tomorrow over the small victories. If anyone had the answer, I knew it would be her.